I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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