Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
