I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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