i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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