so that wasnt chicken after all
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
