I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
