It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
