I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I love you. Go after that dick
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
