I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
