nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
