Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
