@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
