i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
