youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
