I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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