Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
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It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
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And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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