My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
