And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Randomize
