mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Dick very happy bro
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
