i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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