Nicole vs. Life
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
