he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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