oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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