'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
