I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
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