if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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