the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
