If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
