She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
