I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
