So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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