We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Everclear isn't food dammit
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
