Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
