Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
