Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
