the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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