Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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