i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Randomize
