It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
