Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
