I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
