the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
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not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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