I wish I could teleport
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
