I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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