the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
