Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
