This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
