terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
