roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
