Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
