First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
