Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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