i don't plan on having that self control this summer
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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