What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
