I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
