did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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