She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize