yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
