Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Randomize
