I think I won the penis lottery.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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