My balls are so social today.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
