GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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