she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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