im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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