the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
