so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
