Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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